The Stomach Aches Aren't Fake: Understanding and Helping Your Anxious Child

The first Monday of school, your child says their stomach hurts. You give them ginger ale, take their temperature, check for fever. Nothing. You send them anyway and get a call from the nurse by 10am. The second Monday, same thing. The third, fourth, fifth.

Eventually a pediatrician says the words that rearrange everything: "I think this might be anxiety."

And then, if you're anything like most parents, the guilt arrives. All of it, all at once. Did I worry too much in front of them? Did I not let them struggle enough? Too much? Is this my fault?

Here's what I want to say to you, right now, before we go any further: that guilt is human, and understandable, and almost certainly misplaced. Anxiety in children is far more common than you've probably been led to believe, and it rarely comes down to one thing any parent did or didn't do.

Let's talk about what's actually going on.

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Anxiety Is Not Rare. It Just Looks Different Than We Expect

We tend to picture an anxious child as a small, wide-eyed kid saying "I'm worried." But childhood anxiety rarely announces itself that politely. It shows up as stomach aches that puzzle the pediatrician. As meltdowns that seem wildly out of proportion to what triggered them. As a child who suddenly refuses to sleep alone after years of doing it fine. As the kid who needs the same reassurance over and over, never quite satisfied with the answer. As a child whose teacher calls to say they're struggling socially, not because they're unkind, but because approaching a new group of kids feels physically impossible.

According to the World Health Organization and UNICEF (2024), many adolescents globally experience mental health conditions that remain largely unrecognized and untreated. Anxiety disorders are among the most common of those conditions. They don't always develop dramatically. Sometimes they creep in so gradually that you don't notice until the stomach aches are happening every Monday.

Children may struggle to explain what they are feeling. Pain and distress deserve to be taken seriously. Anxiety can be one contributor, but recurring stomach pain should not be assumed to be psychological without a pediatric assessment.

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The Instinct That Can Make It Worse

Here's where it gets hard to hear, and I'm going to say it with a lot of love: the natural parenting instinct when your child is suffering is to protect them from the source of suffering. Of course you want to let them stay home when they're in distress. Of course you want to answer the question one more time. Of course you want to avoid the situation that's triggering the meltdown.

Avoidance can maintain anxiety in some situations, but staying away can also be appropriate when there is a real danger, illness, bullying, or an unmet need. A clinician can help you and your child distinguish those situations and plan manageable steps when facing a fear is appropriate.

This doesn't mean you force your child through terror. It means the goal, gently and gradually, is approach rather than escape, with steady support beside them. And this is exactly where evidence-based help becomes important.

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What Actually Helps

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a well-studied treatment option for childhood anxiety. It can help children understand links between thoughts, feelings, and behavior and practice manageable steps with appropriate support. A qualified clinician can assess whether it fits your child's needs.

And here's some news that might feel like a gift: even while you're on a therapist's waiting list — and the waiting lists are real — there are meaningful ways to start helping your child.

A systematic review found that specific digital CBT interventions could reduce anxiety symptoms in children and adolescents (Csirmaz et al., 2024). That is not evidence for every app described as calming or therapeutic. Ask your child's clinician about an age-appropriate program, the support it involves, and whether it is suitable while you wait for care. Digital tools do not replace an assessment of your child.

Online parenting programs are another possible source of support. Canário and colleagues (2025) reviewed programs for children's behavioral and emotional difficulties and found benefits compared with no or minimal intervention, with results varying by program and outcome. That does not establish that all online courses are equivalent to in-person care or that one component is always best. Ask which program has evidence relevant to your family's needs.

You are not the cause of your child's anxiety, and you don't have to become their therapist. But you are one of the most powerful parts of how they get through it.

One more thing, said with love and a small nudge: if anxiety is regularly shrinking your child's life — recurrent school refusal, skipped parties, activities quietly dropped — that is functional impairment, and it deserves a professional evaluation, not just patience and apps. Start with your pediatrician and describe exactly what you've been seeing. The digital tools and the parenting work above are the bridge; a clinician who knows your child is the destination.

And the stomach aches? Take the pain seriously. Keep the pediatrician informed if symptoms persist or change, even if anxiety has already been discussed. You can support your child emotionally while also making sure a physical concern is not overlooked.

If this concern is affecting your health or daily life, talk with your doctor or another qualified professional who can personalize the next step.